Today has been a rough day for me and I still am trying to figure out why. Through the school year I yearn for chunks of uninterrupted time with nothing more to do than figuring out if I should read or go shopping or call a friend. Well here I am smack in the middle of summer with that time and predicament and I feel so unsettled. I think part of it is hormonal. I know part of it is the "hope your summer is going well but here are the dates for the teacher in-services" letter that came yesterday (which I put on the table and refused to open it for hours, glaring at it every time I walked past). Nothing like spoiling the fun of a perfectly good summer day. The other reason I am unsettled is the teenage "stuff" that I've been dealing with. I certainly remember my teen years and this serves me right. But it is very hard to give up the control I am used to and let Molly make decisions on her own. I am just so worried lately about everything. Even though I know her friends and where she is going things can change so quickly. Going off to a new high school will present itself with new people and new influences and I have to trust she will choose the correct path. Our conversations tend to be either tense or end up in arguments (a little like my mom and me still now). I guess that's the crux of a lot of this- I want a better relationship with Molly than I have with my mom and it's hard to know how to go about it. Do I press for details despite the sighs or do I just back-off? Where is that teenager instruction manual when I need it?! I love the following poem which I hung in Molly's room when she was little and I cry every time I read it.

Children are Like Kites
(anonymous)

I see children as kites,
You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground
You run with them until you’re both breathless
They crash…you add a longer tail…. They hit the rooftop
You pluck them out of the spout…you patch and comfort
adjust and teach. You watch them lifted by the wind
and assure them some day they will fly.

Finally, they are airborne.

If they need more string and you keep letting it out
And with each twist of the ball of twine, there is a sadness
that goes with joy because the kite becomes more distant
and somehow you know it won’t be long
before that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline
that bound you together and soar as it was
meant to soar…..free and alone.

Only then do you know you did your job.